Being rounded up by the police as an absconder from a care home is true. The first time was early on a dark wet morning and I was on my way to get my paper. The policeman asked 'What's your name? I was so flustered by the suddenness, the radio chatter from the police car, the sparkly lights in the dark and wet, that I couldn't think of it - err uhm - The policeman asked - Is it Pete? - 'NO, it's not Pete! I said
The next time I was almost home. The policeman spoke into his phone 'I think we’ve got him' I gave my name instantly but hadn't any confirming identification like a credit card. It was opposite where my grandaughter works but she wasn't at work that day. They took a photo and I gave an email address, I think it was my grandaughters,it wasn't my grandson's because he would have been tempted to say - 'Never seen him before'
A young girl writes a letter to her parents - If you're standing up you may need to sit down, if you're sitting down you may need to lie down!
The parents saw their 19 year old daughter off to university. They received a letter saying how well she was settling in, then nothing.
After some weeks of increasing anxiety they received a letter.
Dear Mum and Dad
As you know I've been at university for three months now. I must first apologise for not writing to you sooner. Please excuse my thoughtlessness, but things have been hectic on campus to say the least.
It might be a good idea if you sit down. If you are sitting down you may want to lie down.
The good news is, that just like you said, The Freshers Ball was fantastic. An unforgettable experience, and I got to meet a lot of new people. Paramedics, policemen and of course some wonderful doctors who tell me that my skull fracture is well on the way to healing.
I don't actually remember jumping from my bedroom window, although when he visited me in hospital, the Chief Fire Officer did praise my presence of mind, and said that he'd never seen a Hall of Residence go up quite so quickly - even with 30 little Christmas lights so close to the curtains.
Fortunately, my fall was broken by Ben, the night-watchman. He said I wasn't at all heavy in just my underwear and even carried me to his room in the Gate House to wait for the ambulance.
Would you believe it took nearly an hour for them to arrive? Luckily Ben's a qualified First Aider and was able to give me the kiss of life and also massage my heart several times to keep the blood circulating.
Anyway, until they rebuild the Halls, Ben has kindly invited me to share his flat with him.
Some of the other girls have been a little horrid to me recently, but I put that down to the shock of the fire and the fact that they're living in tents in the carpark.
Ben is a lot younger in outlook than he appears in real life and we've fallen deeply in love with each other and plan to marry.
We haven't set a date yet, but it will have to be soon if I don't want to walk down the aisle with my bump showing.
Oh, yes, by the way, I'm pregnant. Isn’t it marvellous news. I know how much both of you are looking forward to being grandparents because you talk of little else to my elder sister, Louise.
Has she told you yet that she can't have children? It's so sad but, as they say, every cloud has a silver lining and I know you will welcome my baby and give it the love devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child.
Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was no fire at the Halls, I did not fracture my skull, I am not engaged or even pregnant. There is no man in my life and as far as I know Louise can have children.
However I am only getting a Third in History and a Fail in Philosophy and I wanted you to see those marks in the proper perspective.
Your loving daughter,
Janie.
The above is from the book 'How to Persuade & Influence People' by Philip Hesketh an excellent blue print for success in business and life, the letter teaches the 'hot and cold' technique of breaking bad news. Get the book from the advert column on the right of this blog, only about a tenner - ignore Smiler my blogshop cat.
Share This
Disclosure - As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
No comments:
Post a Comment